Have you ever told a joke only to be met with silence and blank faces? Join the club! Over the last 6 months I have researched the art (or science) of telling a joke. I care about you, and I want you to learn from my triumphs and pitfalls!

(Editor's note: It is impossible to be funny on the internet, so make sure you have an in-person audience when following these steps.

Step 1: Say something not funny

The best way to prepare for a joke is to lay a bland foundation. This will help the joke stand out more. This is the same science behind why 5'9" men make friends with 5'7" men.

Examples:

• How are you?
• What's your favorite type of weather?
• I went to the store yesterday and I saw someone I went to high school with. We didn't acknowledge one another.

Step 2: Begin the joke -- AKA 'The Set-up' (optional)

Don't worry, it doesn't mean being framed for a crime! That's a different kind of set-up. This is the kind that ramps up the excitement of the conversation to prepare for the joke.

Examples:

• By the way, my pet duck died. :(
• I notice you have a chicken tattoo. My favorite barnyard animal is the chicken!
• I was in a bar when three men walked in, and one was a priest.

Step 3: Ask a question (optional)

Some jokes depend on interaction with your audience, and this usually takes the form of a question. (If you have an audience of more than one person, just direct the question to the person who seems to be most engaged.)

Examples:

• Did I tell you about the veterinarian who killed my pet duck?
• Why do chickens cross roads?
• Oh, are you offended by religion?

Step 4: Punch 'em with the punchline!

The punchline is the Peanut Butter filling of the joke -- the best part! This is what tells your audience that you're not just having a conversation, but rather it was the performance of a joke!

Examples:

• He was a quack!
• They like to explore!
• This joke is like a halo, it's over your head!

Step 5: Enjoy the reaction!

Revel in the fact that you made people laugh. Look at you. That's amazing. You made them laugh. By the way, make sure to stay humble when they compliment your joke. Humility is what gives jokes their power.

Step 6: Invite them to listen to LGP (optional)

If they liked your joke, there's a good chance they will like the Lance Greatness Podcast! Inviting people to listen to this podcast will strengthen your friendship. Nothing brings 2 people together more than listening to the same podcast.

Summary

'Tanks' for 'weeding'! I 'hop' this helped you very 'mulch'! (Preceded by a picture of a tank, weeds, hopping bunny, mulch)